What I Learned Helping a Relative with Financial Decisions

People often turn to loved ones in times of financial hardship. They might ask for a loan, financial advice, or help with budgeting or finding a job. But I have a relative that recently asked for a different type of financial help. Their financial circumstances… What I Learned Helping a Relative with Financial Decisions as published on Women Who Money People often turn to loved ones in times of financial hardship. They might ask for a loan, financial advice, or help with budgeting or finding a job. But I have a relative that recently asked for a different type of financial help. Their financial circumstances suddenly changed, and they were utterly overwhelmed with indecision. So, they asked me to help them through some critical financial decisions. My story: Helping a loved one with financial decisions My loved one and I have openly discussed financial topics over the years. And our money talks revealed our mutual appreciation for frugality. Yet our discussions also uncovered very different approaches to saving and investing. My relative had a much more conservative approach to money than I do. On investing, they focused on scarcity and fear of loss. And as a result, they limited their exposure to the stock market. So, when I shared that my husband and I take a (very) different approach by investing a large percentage of our savings in the stock market, debates ensued. We both held strong opinions and often tried to convince the other of the error in their thinking. But neither of us got anywhere; we agreed to disagree. And it just so happened that the support my loved one asked for was about investing decisions. They understood I was no expert but knew I had experience with my own investments. Plus, they trusted me to help them make the best decisions for them. Yet, given our different views, I knew I must set aside personal opinions if I was to be of any help. To support my loved one in making the best decisions for them, I would need to listen carefully. And I must help them dial in on their goals.  The process took weeks of research, sharing resources, and regular conversations. Next, we consulted with a couple of financial advisors. Lastly, we laid out all available options.  After a while, my loved one’s decision became clear as we discussed their goals and options. Then, they felt empowered to move forward. Despite our different philosophies, the process worked because of a few key factors. And it has more to do with open communication than financial viewpoints. Related Reading: Do You Need a Certified Financial Planner, CFP®? What I learned assisting someone with financial decisions So, if you’re ever asked to help someone with a significant financial decision, what I learned might be useful to you too! Don’t get me wrong – I made plenty of mistakes! Sometimes I inserted my thoughts and opinions, which was never helpful. I had to remind myself that my loved one’s decisions need to be their decisions – not what I would do in their situation. Below are the key takeaways I learned through the process. These are things that helped me help my loved one with financial decision-making. They have to want help: Respect their boundaries. In any helping situation, there must be mutual respect for boundaries. So many times, boundaries are unspoken, but unclear boundaries leave each person guessing. So it’s best to be honest and direct. It was super important for my relative to be in control. So, I offered my support and told them to talk to me anytime. But I limited specific help to what they requested. If they clearly did not want help, I respected that. But I could still offer to be there if they wanted to talk. One caveat is that sometimes loved ones need help with their finances when they don’t (or can’t) ask for it. So, sometimes families have to step in when cognitive or health difficulties make it challenging for relatives to ask for help. But my relative is healthy and capable of making and carrying out their own decisions. So, helping them was only appropriate because it was something